On Saturday evening I was hurrying to the cinema with one of my best friends when suddenly we met one of our other BFs. Unfortunately, we can only meet very rarely but modern technology helps … we can talk almost every day. I was so surprised that she was standing in front of me that my eyes widened and my jaw dropped. :o)) She was also in a hurry with her husband and daughter to get to a concert. I was happy that they were in a good mood and everything was fine with them.
That was a silly thing to think – you might say. But, actually it’s not. Her daughter has just started to show the typical signs of adolescent, which can completely knock parents to the ground ... even for days.
When I call my dear friend and she picks up the phone, I already know from the tone of her voice if something has happened again. The funny thing is that she has survived all of this with me and my kids. She encouraged and stood by me a lot during the difficult hours but did not think that she would live through the same “horrors”. And yet ... that is exactly what is happening. :o)
My kids are in the beginning of their 20s, but every once in a while they still manage to surprise me with a seemingly innocent comment or behavior ... In these situations two things come to my mind:
The first one – our wise step-grandmother always told me, “If you have to choose who will cry, you or your child, then it should always be the kid!” And she was right – it was very, very difficult to stay consistent but looking back, this is the only way and time to teach them the basic rules if we want or they want to live and work etc. together with others.
The second one – kids will try their luck and test the barriers with those whom they love and trust the most because they will forgive them. Surely, this sounds strange, but we should be happy if this happens to us and not in the school or on the street etc. I know that it is often extremely horrible to manage these situations and sometimes it is very trying to take on the fight. It is more difficult to tolerate such situations if they are happening, not with our own kids but we get to “enjoy” the daily teenage struggles of our partner’s kids. In any case, please keep in mind that it is a game – kids are looking for their boundaries and we have to show them to them with the greatest love and patience that “this is the limit and there is no further”!
And one other thing! Dear Parents – at the end of a difficult day, please DO NOT forget to open a nice bottle of wine and discuss the daily events with your partner and what’s more DO NOT forget to laugh! Believe me, communication and laughter in particular, help us to get through even the most difficult obstacles!