As little girls and boys, in our childhood we often dream a lot about who we would like to live our lives with, who will be "the woman" or "the man" who will stand by our sides to honor and cherish us in good times and bad. In the last half century :o) I have talked many times and a lot and hope to continue to do so about love, marriage, divorce, parenting and family not only with my friends, but with my children as well. What is his/her role in a relationship? What is the job and/or tasks of each partner?
Certainly no one can argue that the world has ever changed as much as it has towards the end of the 20th century and beginning of the 21st. There has never been such change during one generation - the world has simply opened up. Today, in a single day, we establish as many connections with the help of different technological devices as we did in a full year at the beginning of the 80s.
The habits, expectations, social patterns, written and unwritten rules of society that determine human life have become obsolete. Thus, people of the 21st century often and rightfully feel left without support. Role models taken from previous generations no longer help us navigate our lives and the new ones are still in development. In this great upheaval and confusion, the main trap of the information society is that surfing the internet results in sometimes useful, often useless, and sometimes even harmful information uncontrollably bombarding the human brain. Slowly fading interpersonal relationships and social frameworks are being eroded by the sprawling jungle of expectations and selfishness. This process is also exacerbated by muddled relationships and hostility.
Happiness is expected to be reached through those "dream-like" expectations which, through logical thinking could be seen as unreachable. It almost becomes natural for a person to just "play" his/her life, or pretend to have achieved the "big dream". Then at some point, the balloon just bursts.
I know that opinions will be divided on this subject – probably many of you will agree and many of you will not, but please let me share with you a few thoughts taken from my own experience. I especially want to do this, because I worked for a very long time in the so called ’man’s world’, I lived in a marriage and love a wonderful man, my kids are at the cusp of adulthood and the time is slowly approaching for them to choose their own partners.
For this reason it is very difficult for me to hear the oft complaints of the young generation at friendly dinner gatherings that ’all guys are jerks’ or that ’girls only want my money’.
What has brought us to this point? What role do mothers and fathers have in all this?
We can certainly agree that the family has a determining role in our life and that the motor or soul of the family is the Woman. The disappearing barriers make the position of women, in particular, more difficult and they are more burdened by myriad expectations – to be attractive and sexy, a successful leader or professional, an ace in the kitchen, a devoted mother, a loyal wife, a fantastic lover, a partner to her husband, the care giver to her parents, nanny, governess, nurse and so on.
At this point, I would like to add that the roles of men are not easy either– they are husbands, lovers, fathers, sons, bosses and subordinates. I think there are a few things in the world which haven’t changed. First, if a woman does succeed in finding her place, then the whole family gets on better. Second, there is a strong woman behind every successful man!
Péter Müller’s book ’Confessions about love’ came out this winter. I am one of the lucky ones, who attended Müller’s book reading. Here, he beautifully described what love is like and what the relationship of two people is like when they mutually recognize each other’s’ work, tasks and respect each other. True love is like the tango – two individuals dance their own dance, yet, if we look at them, there is perfect harmony in their movement.
To this, I would like to add the advice of my tango teacher – the important steps are led by the Man and in each step, he waits for the Woman, so they can do it together. They can only dance in perfect harmony if they trust each other and they dare to entrust themselves to the other. What is the magic? What else would it be – during the two steps, every Woman should use her freedom, creative and spiritual ability to embellish her steps to the best of her knowledge and abilities in the protective care of the Man.
When this Man and Woman look at each other while dancing, their eyes always meet just above each other, because they respect who the other is.
I think that in the hustle and bustle of the modern word. our ego has forgotten what its task is, although the soul still remembers. We can’t ignore biology either– information that has been carried in our cells for thousands years has not changed and it can’t change in such a short time. The Man is still the Sun, and the Woman is the Moon. Why it this important?
I read and learned from the writing of Gyula Dora that deep down, the man’s soul is moved by three things – power, protection (i.e. possession in the noblest sense of the word) and emanation. Please do not misunderstand– these have both high and low levels of potential actualization. Let’s look at the higher levels!
Power is the force of wisdom, which knows everything’s place and the best way to get things done well. This force is the protective force, in other words, ‘the good king’, the tribe leader, the head of the family, the father.
In order for this power to work, to effect order and protection, he must guard (possess. in its most positive meaning) things, people, objects and maintain control over events.
With the Sun’s rays, he starts life and vitalizes it. The meaning of his existence is to build, create, fertilize and renew. Then, by protect in them and if necessary, defending them, he changes the world again and again raising it to a higher level.
This Sun energy can in fact be brought to this height by another energy, the female Lunar energy.
If everything is all right then this force of power is strengthened in the young boy day by day through instruction which tries to show him how the inside force works - i.e. how to deal with things, friends, girls and how to handle difficult situations and feelings. Unfortunately, it takes decades to learn how to use this force well and in the meantime he causes a lot of pain to others as well as himself.
It is the parents’ responsibility, even if the world is moving so fast, to teach this to their sons. Computer games, smart phones, tablets and so on won’t do it instead of us!
If we parents do not do this, then Women without even noticing it, will, as one of my best friend’s partner said - intellectually castrate the guys. Men will become more and more powerless and weak and they will completely forget their task in the world.
The smart Woman does not want to use the masculine force, but her own feminine force. This force makes the Man once again a Great Hunter and Warrior. This Great Hunter or Warrior will cherish the Woman and protect her with his life.
One last thing, since I am a woman too :o) – believe me ladies, if you believe in your own feminine force and you do not want to triumph over a Man by force, even in the modern world, this feminine force helps us find our place in the world and more specifically in work, which is still a Man’s world.